So I was struck by this blog written by someone attending a church Linda & I visited last week, referenced by the pastor in a weekly email on how some people are celebrating Lent. The woman in question is blogging about something that she feels makes her vulnerable every day for the period.
It's a brilliant idea. Become vulnerable in front of other people and they will come closer, and maybe open up. Made me look at how, in my almost 50 years how I spend these days and see it's usually no more special than playing the soundtrack to Jesus Christ Superstar in the car and seeing how many of the lyrics I could remember (pretty much all of them). There was the time in college when I quit smoking for Lent (yea, I had held off smoking until college then chain smoked - cigarettes - my way with Al & Christen through the halls of Bentley). Other years we give up chocolates, or sugar. Not bad things. Daughter Audrey's given up chips of all kinds which for her is a good one. I'll talk later about how Linda & I did a Daniel Fast to start the year, and the amazing revelations (health-wise) that came of it. In fact, Linda is doing the fast again for Lent (it's a partial fast, basically Vegan with an attitude, but also with more time devoted to prayer and drawing closer in your relationship with Christ - it is a fast, after all, not a "diet").
Alabama mission trip in April).
But my life has been contained in a shell for so long, reading Kaylee's Vulnerability blog above, I realize that if I'm going to break out of this rut, become productive, not stare at my writing, or my "normal" day-job work, or my faith and produce more than only sighs as results - I need to stop... all of this. This holding in, not taking chances, for peace in my home I need to stand up and say enough, to anything and anyone which/who (ok, grammarians, if I precede a clause with "anything or anyone" what do I do with the "which/who" wording... who, since "anyone" was the last word?).... sorry, I think these interruptions are defense mechanisms... anything or anyone who tells me that things must be this way or that. This is how it used to be done and this is how it must be done.
No. We all know in our spirits (aka minds/brains) and souls (that connection or bridge to God which I imagine being a picturesque green hillside looking over a valley) what is right. What is wrong. But taking steps forward with confidence (big word, working on it, starting with these blog entries) and if we are doing that then no one can stop us.
No, not sure what that last sentence means, not entirely. That's what we'll figure out here. I'm going to try to do what Kaylee is doing in her blog for this Lenten period, but whether my direction is being vulnerable, or honest, time will tell.